-By Rudrangshi Saha
There was once a time when vacations meant learning how to paint, play an instrument, or indulge in something halfway decent. But now? Now we’ve arrived at the era of dating workshops. A tribute to our generation’s collective intelligence: the Indian youth, instead of doing anything remotely useful, are scrambling to sign up before the seats sell out. And who’s leading these travesties? Men who proudly proclaim themselves “the world’s most successful dating coaches.”
First off, let's talk about career choices. Really? A dating coach? You might as well put “world-class clown” on your resume; the circus is always hiring. And second, why in the world are Indians signing up for dating courses in the first place? Apparently, being a half-baked Majnu is an aspirational lifestyle now.
Before we explore this pigsty, let’s get something clear: these dating “gurus” have the same copy-paste spiel. They’ll “transform you from a loser to a seduction god.” Yes, because clearly, all you need in life is to upgrade from pathetic to predatory. And the best part? There are hundreds, if not, thousands of these snake-oil salesmen pretending to be love doctors. Take one of these pioneers of stupidity—Kshitij who has a sea of followers hanging onto his every word. His advice? You don’t need six-pack abs or a fat wallet to get girls, just pure confidence. (read- “kaanfidenzz.”)
This whole concept of dating coaches is not new, by the way. Bollywood has been romanticizing it for decades, but let’s be real—an industry that normalizes stalking and “6 din ladki in” probably isn’t the gold standard for healthy relationships. But now, desperate men aren’t just passively consuming these films; they’re paying thousands of bucks to sit in classrooms, listening to nonsense about how to “create sexual tension.” Because yes, in 2024, we’re paying people to teach us how to be creepy. And don’t think these courses are one-size-fits-all. Oh no, they’re carefully “curated”. Some are designed for men too shy to speak to women, others for those trying to decode the enigma that is the female mind. Ah, absolutely. Women are clearly another species that needs an entire curriculum to understand.
Still, the real question is: Why? Why are these men shelling out lakhs for these glorified how-to-be-human seminars? The answer, as always, lies deep in the psyche of a generation that’s been weaned on social media and Bollywood fantasies. Having a girlfriend is no longer a personal relationship; it’s a social status symbol, the instant ticket to being “cool.” Forget personal growth or emotional maturity. Nope. If a guy doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s just a loser. At least that’s what reels and movies would have you believe.
Let’s look at a real-world gem. Back in 2017, a makeup artist named Geetika filed a complaint. She had an FB page where she posted her number. Big mistake. Her phone didn’t stop ringing. Hundreds of men called her, professing their love, without even knowing her. Some lunatic with eight SIM cards and the desperation of a man drowning in his own hormones harassed her daily. This guy, by the way, had acquired the numbers of over 800 women. When the police finally got hold of him, his excuse? He was “looking for love”. Yes, after conquering land and sea, this is what we’ve come to as a human race. And the so-called dating coaches feed off of this exact desperation of some men who think stalking someone is a viable form of affection.
Now, we could just laugh at these morons and move on, but this is an indictment of a deeper issue in our society. According to neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, “Our brains are wired for social connection.” So sure, maybe these guys deserve an atom of empathy. After all, their lives are empty, and their social skills are lacking. But the real kicker is—why aren’t they using dating apps? Simple. These apps aren’t working for them. No matches, no attention, no validation. And when these guys don’t get the dopamine hit they crave, they turn to competition. It’s no longer about meeting someone; it’s about “winning” a girl- as if women are trophies to be displayed on the mantel of fragile masculinity.
Why this obsession? Why this warped mentality? The answer is painfully clear: society, as a whole, has utterly failed our youth. And before you start pointing fingers at just the parents or elders, let’s face it—we’re all guilty. Yes, you, me, everyone. Think back to the last time you mocked your friend for talking to someone of the opposite gender, or when you “shipped” a purely platonic friendship. You're probably thinking, "Come on, it’s not that serious." But here’s the truth—it certainly is. Every seemingly harmless joke only deepens the emotional divide between the sexes. And to be fair, it's not just us. The problem runs much deeper. Our education system might have done an excellent job teaching algebra and biology, but has taught nothing about basic human interaction. Further, in many schools, boys and girls aren’t even allowed to talk to each other. In Bangalore’s Kendriya Vidyalaya, CCTVs are installed to make sure that students maintain “proper distance.” Seriously? It's the 21st century and we’re still treading on century-old stigmas?
This is where your friendly neighbourhood dating coach steps in, filling the void left by family, school, and society. They’re teaching these men how to do something as basic, yet undeniably crucial as talking to a woman without being a creep. How did we let things get this bad? Why is it such a revolutionary idea that men and women can be friends, that women are not aliens to be decoded? And let’s not even start on the infamous “send pics bebz” DMs that plague every woman’s inbox. Where do these guys come from? What rock have they been living under? Clearly, one that blocks out the concept of basic human decency.
Yet, let’s not be too hasty in praising these “coaches” either. Not all of them are teaching respect. Some are perpetuating the very worst stereotypes. Take your pick of YouTube tutorials on “how to bag a hot girl.” Here, the goal shifts from teaching men how to have healthy interactions to reducing women to prizes in some downright repulsive dating game. Instead of educating men on respect and boundaries, quite a few of these courses feed into the sheer patriarchal belief that women are conquests to be won.
So, what’s the takeaway here? It’s not that dating coaches are inherently bad. God knows both men and women could use a little guidance in navigating relationships. The problem is when these self-proclaimed gurus start spouting toxic nonsense, reinforcing the very mindsets we should be dismantling. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about finding love or improving yourself—it’s about feeding a rancid culture where emotional intelligence takes a backseat to superficial success.
In the end, here’s some food for thought: Why does our society and education system fail so miserably at teaching something as fundamental as conversational skills? And when will we finally shed these ridiculous, archaic male-female prejudices and treat each other like, well, just humans?
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