-By Rudrangshi Saha
Ah, the world is always lamenting about how rare true feminists and human rights activists are, right? And yes, these heroes are scarce, almost endangered—so thank heavens, dear Indians, we’ve been blessed with politicians whose activism knows no bounds. Truly, sacred souls, raising the bars of justice to such dizzying heights that none of us mere mortals could ever hope to grasp it.
From defending the rights of the most privileged to actively promoting gender (in)equality, they show us daily that activism is indeed alive. "Aspirational" doesn’t even begin to describe them. They’re a phenomenon, you see— constantly striving to equalize society, especially when it comes to equally distributing ignorance and exploitation. After all, it’s only fair to give everyone equal treatment, isn’t it?
But, rest assured, I won’t be talking about India in this article. Oh no, we shall embark on an odyssey where I present to you a few selected tales from a completely fictional universe—one where all similarities to any real person, dead or alive, are purely coincidental. If, by chance, a name pops up in your mind reading this piece, that’s entirely on you. Your thoughts, your responsibility. As for me—mujhe kya? I’m simply an observer of this great fictional land.
The Tale of the Noble Leader of the White Robes:
Once upon a time, there lived a Queen so misunderstood, so visionary, that many questioned her mental fitness. But, this was no ordinary leader—no, no. She was far beyond the comprehension of the common men, for she was enlightened. She was a woman of talent- from singing, to poetry, to painting and dancing, she had it all. Every day, she wore the same pair of humble white clothes, a beacon of simplicity, as she arrived in her faithful chariot—a mighty Scorpio. This, of course, symbolized just how grounded and “in-touch” with her people she was. Feminism? She’d got it covered. While the world bemoaned that politics is a man’s world full of corruption, she confidently showed the world that women too, could be just as corrupt! And football? Who said women can’t balance both work and play? Tell me, have you ever seen someone having the audacity to shriek at the top of their lungs with boundless energy while carefully cuddling a football, all while gracefully seated in a wheelchair? Me neither. Because all of this happened in a fictional land and has nothing to do with anything happening around us (shh.)
*(All illustrations are AI-generated and have nothing to do with reality)
And oh, how eloquent she was! Every time she opened her mouth, the heavens surely rejoiced—her speeches—oh, what a treat for the intellectuals of the land. Gems composed by revered poets and lyricists have graced her lips, leaving the masses in awe. Clearly, the few of those who did not understand her words were simply too dull to appreciate her secret genius.
Once, in a stroke of sheer brilliance, she introduced a bill to punish the garden gnomes who stole strawberries from other people’s gardens. But here’s where her wisdom truly shined: she granted stringent punishments without actually catching any gnomes. Why waste time on trivialities like investigations and evidence? After all, the thought alone was punishment enough. Truly, she was a leader who knew how to save resources.
Then came the moment when she graced the streets with her presence, protesting against the injustices in her own kingdom. Now, some foolish peasants might wonder— “wasn’t she the one in power?” Ah, but that was the beauty of her wisdom. Why just govern when you can also be the voice of protest... against yourself? A true Queen protests her own policies, thus completing the circle of power and dissent. Tell me, could anyone you know ever manage that delicate balance? (If you thought of whom you’re thinking right now, you’re wrong. The correct answer is- no one. Because, again- It’s. All. Fictional.)
The Tale of the Reluctant Prince:
In a land far, far away—so distant that it exists only in the wildest dreams of storytellers—there lived a prince. Now, this was no ordinary prince; he was a man of such shyness, such endearing humility, that he never quite stepped out of his mother’s shadow. It was said that whenever the sun rose on him, it always cast her shadow beside him, as if the universe itself knew he wasn’t ready to face the light alone.
Whispers across the kingdom echoed: "He lacks what it takes to be a leader." But people talk, don’t they? And just because they talk, does it make them right? Yes- I mean, no, of course not. For our shy prince had something much more valuable than mere leadership skills—he had degrees. So many degrees, in fact, that they could be stacked high enough to build a tower from which he could look down on his critics. And mind you, there were a lot of them.
Though he wasn’t one for grand speeches or strong opinions, he took it upon himself to walk across the entire kingdom, seeking out loyal subjects who would stand by him. And did his shoes wear out? Maybe. Did his resolve weaken? Perhaps. But in this universe, all that mattered was that the cameras caught every step. A true human rights crusader. And oh, how the people rallied! They adored the way he bravely opposed the injustices of the land’s mighty King, standing tall and raising his voice (albeit occasionally whispering) against the wrongdoings. Why bother ruling when you could be the best opposition leader ever? - a role that the people unanimously agreed suited him far better.
Time and again, he pointed out the King’s faults, though often a bit late to the party, arriving like a guest who shows up after the meal has been served. But that’s what made him endearing! He wasn’t hasty like other activists. No, he took his time, because great activism is about reflecting, not reacting.
Of course, his commitment to human rights was unparalleled. How could it not be, when he consistently opposed every law the King introduced, no matter how inconsequential? Why? Because opposing is an art form, and the shy prince had mastered it. And when the King stripped away rights with one hand, our prince made sure to raise his other hand high, and call his chauffeur- as he bravely went back home and angrily posted about it on social media.
And oh, the speeches! Sparse and succinct, each word chosen carefully, because why overwhelm people with too much information at once? After all, brevity is the soul of wisdom. When he did speak, his words would hover like a light breeze, perhaps not strong enough to sway a ship, but just enough to flutter the sails in the distance.
And what do we learn from this brave prince? Leadership isn’t always about ruling, sometimes, it’s about standing boldly on the sidelines, holding your banner high, and waiting for someone else to step in and lead. True activism, after all, is in opposing the ones in power, and true courage is when you can criticize the kingdom while never having to wear the crown yourself.
The Tale of the Benevolent King and His Two Best Friends:
Once upon a time, in a vast kingdom stretching miles afar, there lived a mighty king. A king so wise, so caring, that he understood the importance of wealth distribution. What truly set him apart was his remarkable foresight. You see, this king realized that by generously taking money from the poor and giving it to his two rich best friends, he was doing the kingdom a great service. After all, who better to trust with the kingdom’s resources than two men who could barely carry the weight of their overflowing pockets?
Don’t be mistaken—our beloved king didn’t want to fill their coffers. No, no. He was bullied into it! His best friends knew all his secrets, whispered their influence into every royal decree. These two were truly the masterminds, and the king? Why, he simply bowed to their superior wisdom. What choice did he have? And if their piggy banks overflowed, the kingdom would surely thrive—especially the part of the kingdom that belonged to them. Because when their lives were "Dhan Dhana Dhan," well, the whole kingdom flourished, right?
Does this sound familiar? No? Same here.
But let’s not forget the king’s love for colour! He adored every hue. However, a curious little thing would happen whenever the colour green appeared in his kingdom—it seemed to make him uncharacteristically... upset. No one quite understood why. Green was just another colour, wasn’t it? Like the fields of wheat in the farmer’s land he so dearly loved. But every time someone mentioned it, our otherwise caring, inclusive king grew silent, as though there were certain shades he wished to erase from the kingdom’s vibrant palette. Strange, isn’t it? But, of course, this is a fictional universe- so we don’t need to worry about it.
The king also had a particular fondness for travel. His passion for visiting other kingdoms was unmatched. While the commoners toiled in his vast realm, he was busy clicking selfies with foreign rulers. Who needs to deal with domestic problems when there’s a whole world to explore? He was hailed as a strong, dynamic leader in these distant lands—and don’t get me wrong, he was exactly the same at home. Well, even if he wasn’t, we wouldn’t know, because anyone who dared say otherwise mysteriously lost their voice. Pure coincidence. Truly, a kingdom of unity! After all, silence is golden—or in this case, saffron.
Now, let me tell you how dearly he loved athletes. Whenever they stood tall, winning accolades for the kingdom, he would ensure they all had their moment in the limelight. A long moment, in fact, as their pleas for support and better conditions were graciously ignored. After all, the longer they waited, the more resilient they became, right? Talk about building character!
Whenever the king stood before his people, he spoke with conviction, reeling off statistics that made the province sound like paradise itself. The numbers were so high, they touched the sky—and why not? Who wouldn’t trust such a reliable narrator? If your land feels a little different from these numbers, well, maybe it’s your perspective that’s wrong.
Oh, and his friendship with freedom of speech? Unbreakable! After all, when dissent is silenced, is it really dissent? Why listen to critics when they can simply be… removed from the conversation? He actively ensured that no one spoiled the fun by, you know, irrationally questioning things.
Now, if this particular fable enraged you, remember- it’s all fictional! You thoroughly enjoyed the other tales of the shy prince and the noble queen, didn’t you? Wait till I tell you the tale of the mysterious Muffler Man who vanished into a dungeon only to come back and reluctantly- I mean, wholeheartedly denounce his throne for the "greater good". So, if this one isn’t sitting well with you, perhaps it’s time to question yourself, rather than the storyteller. And, if the image of a dashing, charismatic, old man with a charming beard and impeccable fashion sense popped into your mind at any time while reading this very story—well, that’s your imagination at work, not mine. Definitely not mine.
*(This one's very much real. Don't you dare question Joey.)
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