-By Rudrangshi Saha
Before we dive in, let me hit you with a self-composed poem that captures the insanity we're about to unpack.
Yes, we're modern. We're modern because we live in an era where there's technology in every cranny. Because we live in an era where there's a boost in our economy. We live in an era where we praise Dalit leaders for their might, But won't let our children marry them, for it doesn't seem right. We live in an era where we hail the success of slum kids in the Arts, But refuse to welcome them in our schoolyards. We live in an era where we take pride in our secular constitution, But still riot over maans, machli and mandir in this illusion. We live in an era where we cherish the idea of unity in diversity, But in Manipur's indigenous communities, we turn a blind plea. We live in an era where we admire the success of women in STEM, But dismiss their opinions in bedrooms dominated by men. We live in an era where we value farmers, all grateful and proud, But vote for policies that trample them out. We live in an era where Olympic Athletes shine, But for some justice, they must sit and pine. We live in an era where Queer rights finally gain ground, But hurling "gay" as an insult is still astound. We live in an era where the wrongs are right, We live in an era where for "equality" we fight. We live in an era where voices stand unite, We live in an era where bigotry and hatred blind our sight. So yes, we're modern, And you can be too! Just say something dissenting, And we'll cancel you too.
Yeah, yeah, the conservatives are high—unlike their platelet levels (I mean, if they had any, they wouldn’t be leeching off people’s lives since, what, Adam’s first nap?). Yeah, yeah, they “Broke Britain” and in turn shattered the banks of every Indian who went there to do the jobs of the very butlers and servants they had back home. But while the whole world is busy fretting about how these 75-year-old fossils with political beliefs straight out of a medieval tarot deck are running nations into the ground, here come the “left-wing liberals” like they’re fresh off a righteous acid trip. And do they keep their overly compassionate and progressive opinions to themselves? Oh no, why would they? That would be too…reasonable.
Nah, these guys are living on another dimension, shouting into the void. The world is burning, but they’re busy staging protests and revolts—on blogs. Revolutionary, right? Except their "call to arms" garners a jaw-dropping 3 likes. Scratch that, it might’ve been a hyperbole—3's a stretch; we’re talking about the kind of people whose social circle is narrower than a conservative’s mind. And don’t get me wrong, it’s completely acceptable to have a political opinion—as long as you’re a logical, thinking, sentient human being. But here we are, dealing with extreme leftists, rather- the pseudo-liberals. Human? That’s up for debate. Sane? Let’s not kid ourselves. Logical? Well, I’m not one for profanity.
Imagine being so liberated— liberated from the basic concept of employment— that instead of groaning at a dad joke, you break into a TED Talk about how the chicken crossing the road might’ve been underpaid or if the road even identifies as a road anymore. Or better yet, what if the chicken didn’t want to disclose its whereabouts? Was the road sustainably paved? Oh no- have you just committed microaggression? This- is the peak of their so-called liberalism; freedom of everything but sense.
Look at our overtly liberal champions: they preach freedom but will choke you with their unsolicited high-octane opinions. Public discourse? That's dead, buried under piles of Twitter threads where the only meaningful debate is how many identities one can switch between in a single tweet.
And then comes the modern liberal brainchild—the “woke” cancel culture. The 21st-century public execution where crimes range from a misplaced tweet to not clapping enthusiastically enough for someone’s declaration that they identify as a tree. God forbid you question the logic here. Say something about the absurdity of people who claim to be otherkin—believing they are, in essence, wolves, demons, or, hell, even a loaf of bread—and you’ll be excommunicated faster than Boris Johnson retracts his own statements. But then again, that’s another day in the absurd political theatre, right?
Imagine Winston Churchill trying to survive in 2024. The man who gave us “We shall never surrender” would now be surrendering to a TikTok activist who claims “surrender” is an offensive word because it triggers memories of their Pokémon battle losses. As they say, history repeats itself- first as tragedy, second as woke memes.
And of course, this isn’t just the case in the West. In India, our own political spectrum isn’t far behind in absurdity. Let’s talk about our “liberal” Rahul Gandhi, a man whose speeches are like watching a child with an encyclopedia—he knows the words, but the meaning? Eh, questionable. In one speech, he compared the success of the Make in India initiative to the failure of Dalit rights, with the logic being as strong as a house of cards in a tornado. But hey, if you can make a refrigerator in India, why can’t you make equality, right?
And then there’s Mamata Banerjee, the "secular" queen of West Bengal. One moment she’s in a church, the next she’s attending Eid prayers, and just when you think she’s done, she’s hosting a Durga Puja rally. Few blind leftists of Kolkata cheer for her “inclusiveness,” all while forgetting she’s turned politics into a religious buffet where she picks whatever helps win the vote of the day.
However, this is not just a problem of political parties. Take a look at the “activist” crowd. During the farmers' protests, social media warriors were everywhere, calling for action while comfortably sipping their lattes in air-conditioned cafes. Ground-level change? Nah, that’s too much work. Just tweet your way to revolution. But now, no one’s going to remember the strife of the farmers anymore—unless it makes for a catchy Instagram reel.
These are the same “liberals” who decry rightists for their “authoritarian” style and then go on to defend bans on free speech when it doesn’t align with their version of truth. Remember the hullabaloo when Tanishq ran an ad depicting a Hindu-Muslim couple? Oh, the cries of “tolerance” from the liberal crowd who, in the very next breath, wanted to cancel the ad for not being "authentic" enough and promoting "Love Jihaad". Seriously?
See, it’s not like these pseudo-liberals are out there making real change—like, maybe fixing the economy or addressing climate change. Nope, they’re too busy policing your vocabulary, ensuring you’ve added the right pronouns and euphemisms to your email signature while the world burns around us. Perhaps if we all just included our preferred adjectives, the ice caps would stop melting?
And so, while they sip their socially conscious almond milk latte, remember that the same woke brigades that scream "freedom for all" are the first to shut you down if you dare disagree. The very essence of liberalism used to be freedom—of expression, of thought, of speech. Now, it’s about policing every syllable, scrutinizing every opinion, choking discourse until no one dares utter a word. You know, just like Stalin. Except Stalin didn’t do it under the guise of “compassion.” Selective free speech has become their playground of cancel culture—where intellectual engagement is traded for hashtags, and actual debate is substituted with a moral high ground so lofty, it might as well be in orbit.
In the end, when it comes to the battles between the left and the right, frankly, there is no one right left. This circus of the wings has done nothing more than distract us from the real problems simmering beneath the noise. While both sides perform their ideological acrobatics, the public gets caught up in the need to pick a team—forgetting that the scoreboard doesn’t show rising unemployment, collapsing healthcare, or environmental disasters. The more we obsess over labels, the further we drift from actual solutions. So, while they argue over who’s “woke” or who’s “wrong-er,” the issues we should be tackling are muffled all the way to irrelevance.
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