GENZ LOVE: AKA HOCUS POCUS

By- Riya Gautam

LOVE, a four-letter word, L-O-V-E, seems easy, right? Yes, that is, till you have to deal with it. For some people, it’s an Imtiaz Ali film, for others an Arijit Song, but let’s face it, no one, absolutely no one in the whole wide world knows how to act sanely if they’re in love; not kids, not grown-ups, and for God’s sake, definitely not teenagers, who think life is a Netflix series.

High school romance, we’ve all heard of it, but does it last? To be very honest, it does in few rare cases but with today’s kids, it probably won’t. Hear me out! Totally disregarding a person’s character and reducing them to mere two words, i.e. “red flag” or “green flag” before you even know them is a trend in today’s times. Before people ever speak with a person, they already have a theory as to how the person is going to be, because guess what, we have amazing stalkers; but this is not really the foundation for love that we need, frankly.

Internet and the various social networking apps on it have driven people to insane limits, only uploading posts and stories so that their “crush” could see it. Wouldn’t it be much better to speak to that person, actually get to know them maybe? And perhaps then know what you should do to actually connect with them emotionally? People go from making fake accounts, to checking the phone hundreds of times a day, only to catch this person online, and say absolutely nothing. Because hey, “what if they don’t like you back?”

Simple thing here, love’s no game and no one makes the rules. It is highly circumstantial and complicated. The root of the problem here is that these Genz kids are so conscious about next to everything, owing to the society they live in, that they feel they are never good enough; and all the “fake dating”, “ghosting”, “gaslighting”, “love-bombing” etc definitely do not help with that. Agreed, it is genuinely difficult to find people who are the same inside and out, with almost everyone wearing a mask and having ten different personalities for ten different people, but how is waiting 3 hrs to reply to a text because the other person took 2 going to help? Let me break it down for you, it won’t. This here, is precisely what this generation fails to understand. It’s not about making the other person desperate for you, making them jealous, or using reverse psychology to make them fall for you. The idea that “there’s a lot of fish in the sea” is fair, but that doesn’t mean everyone should be considering every “fish” that comes their way. Another thing that these kids totally forget - Love is NOT a competition. 

In today’s times, there is absolutely no place for the people who genuinely feel things deeply and show it that they do, because sadly it is lame to show that we care, and we’re supposed to play this hard-to-get character, for whom the other person falls head over heels. But when and why did it become shameful to accept and admit how we feel? What are we scared of? Rejection, perhaps? If so, then that is something omnipresent that we may face in any sphere of life. Why complicate something so beautiful, so delicate like yet another one of those online video games?

Let’s be real, no love story that started with ghosting and gaslighting, or texting and deleting to get someone’s attention ever lasted in the long run. With all these new norms that no one but we ourselves come up, we have forgotten the basis of love itself- honesty, loyalty and compassion.

Then there’s constant peer pressure. These days, it is apparently very humiliating to have never had a relationship before graduating, which is the simple reason most people date for literally nothing but time pass, seeing others as trophies and status symbols. Being with someone just for the sake of not being single, rather than because you genuinely like the person that they are has become so common that it’s alarming at this point.

Now the word “LIKE” in itself is another thing which gives rise to a lot of confusion. “Like but not love”, “Like but not to date”, “Like but not like that”, “Like but I don’t know why” and “Like but I don’t know what about him/her it is that I like” are things we all have surely heard. It has become an accepted thing to flirt with anyone and everyone, irrespective of whether you like them or not. No wonder, peoples’ feelings get hurt! Can you blame them? Not really, because one person could catch feelings while the other one could just be flirting because they were bored.

Love is not something easy and it never was. Since as long as humans have started interacting, they have felt it difficult to face their feelings, but going around while faking personalities is not doing anyone good now, is it? Today, in the 21st century, all these teens thinking they know “what is love” and have everything planned out in front of them, needless to say, have no clue what they are doing. And this belief continues till all the faking and lying that is becoming increasingly common, one fine day, blows up in their face. Yes, they’ll cry over it for some time but not learn the lesson. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of times it is a no-fault situation, where no one of the two people could have prevented the misunderstandings that happen invariably; but one thing that they could’ve done was communicate. Even though we ignore this fact, we all know that one sided communication or efforts alone will not help. It is about time people start communicating openly and mutually. Now this is something even adults face issues with, so we can’t really blame teenagers now. But the catch here is that if they learn to communicate properly in these years, not only their lives, but those of every individual they encounter will become easier.

Lastly, it is imperative that people understand how full of love they are and showing it doesn’t make them small. It is important they realise that their worth does not depend upon what one particular person thinks of them. Everyone has some friends, family, pets or someone in their lives who loves them unconditionally, and it might not be romantic, but this love deserves to be valued, in whatever form it comes their way, for it flows all around us, if only we really see.

picture from- yaledailynews.com