I was awake the whole night in excitement to see the debate. It doesn’t matter if I’m not an American—the first and only debate between these two fine people was going to be worth the sacrifice of sleep. And oh, what a show it was! The comedy involved was on par with Mr. Bean, I swear. Watching it as an anonymous writer gives me the freedom to express what I really think—and let me tell you, it’s easier to let the sarcasm flow when you’re not worried about stepping on toes.
Sure, staying up all night might have slightly derailed my study schedule for the day (a minor issue, right?), but if it only takes 15 glorious minutes of writing to get this out, then I’ll gladly make the trade. After all, America is the land of dreams for most of us—well, apart from Monaco or Germany (you know, the places with better cars and tax-free incomes). But let’s be real, America’s auto-headlines are always worth the watch.
Ah, America. Land of the free, home of the brave, and apparently a political circus that’s running out of clowns. Watching Kamala Harris and Donald Trump in their latest debate felt like watching two contestants on a bizarre reality show—except the stakes are way higher, and neither of them won a prize. For those sitting comfortably outside the U.S., this spectacle must have seemed like a dark comedy, filled with wild accusations, empty promises, and moments so absurd, you might’ve thought it was scripted by a late-night TV show. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.
Kamala Harris: When Vagueness Is a Superpower
Kamala Harris walked into this debate with all the confidence of a contestant on a talent show who’s rehearsed her lines but forgot her choreography. She came armed with her $50,000 tax deduction for small businesses, which, on the surface, sounds as useful as an umbrella in a hurricane. But wait, there’s more! The deduction only works if your business is already turning a profit. So for the struggling startups looking for relief? You get nothing! Nada! Brilliant, right?
And then came her take on inflation—perhaps the hottest issue around. Harris tried to handle it, but much like trying to catch a greased pig, it slipped right through her hands. She talked about an “opportunity economy” as if she’d read it off a fortune cookie. What does that even mean? Apparently, nothing that’ll stop the price of gas from making Americans weep at the pump.
Trump: The King of Chaos and Canines
Then there’s Trump, who barreled onto the stage like a runaway freight train, but instead of coal, he was carrying a load of misinformation. He brought his greatest hits, from “I saved Obamacare” (he didn’t) to “Kamala met with Putin” (she didn’t). But Trump wasn’t done—he decided to crank the absurdity up to eleven with his latest gem: immigrants in Ohio are abducting people’s pets and eating them.
Yes, folks, you read that correctly. In Trump’s universe, the border crisis isn’t just about jobs or drugs—no, apparently it’s about Fido becoming someone’s dinner. According to Trump, Ohio residents are living in fear of immigrants, not because of crime rates or anything logical, but because their dogs might end up as the main course. This claim was so utterly ridiculous that even the debate moderators probably had to suppress a laugh. Yet Trump delivered it with the same conviction as if he were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
And the best part? He didn’t stop there. He took that nonsense and ran with it like it was an Olympic event, offering zero actual solutions to the immigration problem, just more tales of horror from his alternative reality. If only he applied that level of creativity to, say, policy-making.
The Healthcare Soap Opera
When it came to healthcare, both candidates delivered performances worthy of a daytime soap opera. Harris, bless her, leaned heavily on defending Obamacare, as if just saying the name would cure the nation’s healthcare woes. She promised to strengthen it, but how? No one knows, not even her. If Obamacare were a house, Harris would be busy rearranging the furniture while ignoring the gaping hole in the roof.
Trump, on the other hand, claimed credit for “saving” Obamacare, which is a bit like saying you saved the Titanic by rearranging the deck chairs. In reality, Trump spent most of his presidency trying to dismantle the law, only to fail. Now, somehow, he’s the hero? It’s political gaslighting at its finest, and Trump does it with such flair that you almost forget it’s nonsense—almost.
Foreign Policy: A Missed Opportunity for Sanity
Foreign policy should have been a serious discussion. Instead, it turned into a farce. Trump accused Harris of meeting with Putin before the Ukraine invasion, which never happened, but why let facts get in the way of a good story? Harris’s response, unfortunately, was too restrained. Instead of taking Trump to task for his wild accusations, she stuck to vague diplomatic platitudes, which sounded more like something you’d hear at a dinner party than on the debate stage.
Both candidates failed to offer any real solutions for dealing with global crises. Trump puffed up his chest and rattled off his usual bluster about America being the toughest kid on the block, while Harris tiptoed through foreign policy like it was a field of diplomatic landmines. Neither inspired much confidence that they could steer the ship through the stormy waters of international relations.
Social Issues: The Bizarre and the Boring
When the debate turned to social issues like abortion, Harris stuck to the script, delivering a passionate defense of women’s rights. But for all her fire, she didn’t offer much in terms of new ideas. It was as though she was checking off boxes rather than sparking a meaningful conversation. Sure, she was right, but her delivery felt like a lecture—she could have used a little more connection with the audience and a little less rehearsed political jargon.
Trump, on the other hand, went off the deep end with his claim about post-birth “executions.” What? This is where he took a conversation about abortion and threw it into the Twilight Zone. His over-the-top rhetoric might fire up his base, but it does nothing to move the conversation forward. Instead, it serves as yet another distraction from the real issues at hand.
The Immigration Sideshow
Immigration was another chance for both candidates to shine—and yet, both left the stage with their lights barely flickering. Harris delivered a compassionate plea for understanding the root causes of migration but didn’t offer any concrete solutions to the border crisis. Trump, predictably, went full throttle, blaming Harris and Biden for everything wrong with the border, while conveniently forgetting that his own policies didn’t exactly solve the problem.
Oh, and let’s not forget the dog-eating immigrant story. That alone wins Trump the award for “Most Absurd Claim of the Night.” You have to admire his ability to inject a bit of dark humor into the debate, even if it’s completely detached from reality.
The Verdict: Equally Good (Or Bad)
So, there you have it. Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, two leaders equally “good” (read: bad) at convincing anyone that they’re the right choice for the job. Harris gave us a lot of vague promises and cautious rhetoric, while Trump gave us a political carnival of exaggerations, falsehoods, and canine-eating immigrants.
For those of us watching from afar, the debate was less about policy and more about spectacle. America, you’re in quite the bind. Both candidates are playing to their bases, offering little in the way of real solutions, and proving once again that in modern politics, the show often matters more than the substance.
God bless America indeed—because with leadership like this, you’re going to need all the help you can get.
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